BROKEN MARRIAGE

               BROKEN MARRIAGE

"FOR EVER SILENT STIGMA AND
PERMANENT MOOD SWING"

Marriage is a lovely institution created by God, to be enjoyed by humanity.
A successful marriage is not without militating challenges, just that the couples have resolved to make it work, through tolerance, forgiveness, communication, love and peaceful cohabitation.

However, some attitudes are detrimental to a successful marriage. Pride, is one of this.
The Consequences of pride in a marriage could be devastating and irreversible.

If someone tells you that he/she has a perfect marriage, just  know right away that he/she is a great liar. A broken relationship is very painful, but still better than a broken marriage.

Couples fight and fight badly for that matter, but it's the ability to reverse ones stand, communicate with respect, and be honest with each other, that determines the survival of any marital relationship. 

If you remove pride and arrogance in your marital relationship, the marriage is already 90% promising, stable, peaceful and can thus, stand the test of time.

Invest in your marriage through giving, talking and compromising here and there. Your business as a stakeholder should be what to do to, make your home peaceful and stable for you, your spouse, and your children's enjoyment.

Stop running to 3rd parties who equally have their own challenges, they are probably concealing and managing it. You may end up getting nothing positive or helpful from such friends, family members, religious groups, churches/mosque members, and colleagues to whom you are exposing or trading what should be top secrets of your home. Divorce can only be accepted where there is a life threatening situation from any of the partner.

Broken home is like a war. No party goes uninjured. Each party goes with an injury they nurse for the rest of their lives. That is the reality. Whichever party claims unaffected/uninjured is a chronic liar, chronic pretender, and an unrepentant soul, l mean he/she is stone hearted.

During my empirical research of broken homes, some people told me that, even while they pretend to be happy with their present marriage, that their present marriage cannot be compared with their first one, including the physical loses as some of the spouses get married again after many years, while some dont. Some told me that, if it is now, that they would have handled and resolved the home conflict, even without a third party which is already a regret.

An adage says that, if the desirables are not available, then the availabilities become desirable. If the Angel or the president son or daughter you have wished to marry is not available, let your partner or partners become desirables. Your individual source of income can be better than Mr. A or Mr. B. Your family and educational background can be better than the other. Don't forget you are not football clubs  or political parties competing and struggling to win each other.

Sometimes, we plan weddings without planing for the marriage.
There are lots of silent  psychological trauma, silent spiritual wars, vendetta, stigma and silent  pains being experienced by each party and their families, even when both are claiming to be happy in their respective new abodes. The children and relations of such marriages suffer untold silent rejection and uncountable psychological effects. Couples are meant to groom each other. Have you forgotten the Bride and Groom day? You continue grooming until your partner attains a high percentage of your life expectations. Don't assume your partner is suppose to know or must know everything. No University offers a degree in life experience.

You cannot instantly change a grown up adult with ordinary orders and instructions, none of you is a robot. We cannot transfer our failures to any one at the end of the tunnel.

The children are damaged and harmed psychologically, when a marriage is broken.
You can amend, you can shift, it is better to drop the ego than to  break a marriage. When a marriage is broken, silent hatred and enemies are created between the relations of the two families, their friends,well wishers, and society.
Dont forget that personality is better than appearance. Stop suffering and smiling. Choose your battles,  Sometimes peace is proper than being right.
You cannot get a permanent happiness from a failed scenario.

The 24 hours use of social media by responsible married women as a way to feel popular, important or just to fit in is very wrong. Many marriages has crashed from social media negative effects. Social media is good, but you must have a limit.

You are no more that special woman to your husband if every one has flirtatious access to you on media, except it's based on business matters. Dont allow the artificial life in the media to take away your dignity.
Whenever you are in a disagreement with your spouse, you can say no to each other in a lovely, respected and submissive manner. Wives must  argue submissively with their husbands. Forgive each other, and move on. That is the secret of happy home.

Information Technology (IT) is very good, but make sure it is not detrimental to your reputation. Monitoring of couples must have a limit. Avoid the league of people who monitor their spouses on phones. We are in the world of digital technology, but let me school you a little about IT. Any picture, information or discussion you paste on the global sign board, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest,  LinkedIn, blogs, Google etc. remains a public document for ever, even if you delete same after few minutes of posting. Many educated homes has been crippled by social media negative effects.
It has become one of the major causes of family crisis and broken homes.
A bad and incorrigible partner is already a spoilt person, unless the person by himself decides to change for good. Don't allow temporal hardship to destroy your marriage. Hardships does not last for ever. All the successful men around the world met one or more challenges on their way to the top, still they were able to surmount it and reach their destination. They achieved these fit, because they have build themselves in body, in mind, in capability, in competence and in reasoning.

The disadvantages of the media include a risk of inaccurate reporting and a loss of privacy. It is very easy for people to use the media to make false claims or make claims that are only half true. Keep away  major percentage of  your secrets and private information from the the social media. Your best ally today can turn your worst enemy tomorrow and enemy with fact is a dangerous one. One lost friend is one added enemy.

People who think that divorce is a palatable practice, such people has no idea of what a good home should be. Such people are ignorant of the negative impact of broken home, directly or indirectly on families, relatives, in-laws, the community, the church/mosque congregation,and the society at large. No amount of success in life could compensate for failure at home. It often, results into the suicide of a partner who cannot withstand the public stigma, and rejection etc. Sometimes, the partners are involved in a silent competition of who will remarry a better spouse, or who will be better than each other.

Ensure that your home is not scattered, if you love your children and family. Repair it now, before it is too late. If your home is experiencing separation now, ensure that you shed your pride and compromise to arrest it from drifting apart into a broken home.

In marriages, people are all managing each other and there is no perfect marriage and until death. Couples must continue to manage each other. If your marriage will last, manage your spouse, there is no perfect marriage out there.

Stop narrating your home affairs around to seek sympathy. There is no self pity in marriage. Most people you have taken your story to, and are supporting you, because you sometimes assist them financially are in their own homes, keeping their homes intact, sympathising with you, while you are already out of your own home. To be sincere with you, what you will be treated to outside your home will not be what you bargained for. You cannot be repeating the same thing and expect a different result. Change your thinking, and your ways of reasoning and rule your home.

You may hate what am saying, but I have told you the truth you might not have heard from anywhere else.
May God bless you for reading this article and taping the secrers of happy live from the wise.

I am spiritual counselor, an advocate, and a custodian of spiritual wisdoms and good society.
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